i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
