i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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