ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
