If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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