That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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