I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
