Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
