We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
