so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
