Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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