So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
