I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
