therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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