But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she smelled like a LAN party
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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