If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
