I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We named our party play list daddy issues
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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