Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
