Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
