After last night, I could never be a politician.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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