Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
