you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
