I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
