worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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