I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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