One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
