i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
