I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
