some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
