He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
