the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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