i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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