Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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