we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
