Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
how does that bad decision feel?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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