Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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