is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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