found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
