I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
