Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize