don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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