woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
