I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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