how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
