This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
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