woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
