she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
