I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
