She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
