I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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