Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
