matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize