Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize