I've blown a few things in my day
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
