I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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