Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
