dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
