She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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