he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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