I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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