Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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