dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
