): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize