well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
