sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
