Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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