I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
