She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
