dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object