so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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