how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
one two three fourrrrnication!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sorry about my life...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS