Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.