I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.