Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.

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  (770): I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair. http://tfl.nu/2vto
  Replies (1) Good night (1407) Bad night (718)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.

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  (570): remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident. http://tfl.nu/c1ns
  Replies (4) Good night (931) Bad night (1490)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?

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  (270): Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house? http://tfl.nu/tnd3
  Replies (30) Good night (9339) Bad night (773)
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  (714): View more from California

  you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night

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  (714): you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night http://tfl.nu/yh1g
  Replies (4) Good night (786) Bad night (4829)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  nope, you were tallying rejections at the party

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  (313): hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots? (734): nope, you were tallying rejections at the party http://tfl.nu/c1is
  Replies (8) Good night (1196) Bad night (6101)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."

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  (786): He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets." http://tfl.nu/13ll
  Replies (17) Good night (7776) Bad night (1390)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you

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  (586): plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you http://tfl.nu/ddyv
  Replies (13) Good night (2863) Bad night (1287)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".

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  (270): We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots". http://tfl.nu/6unx
  Replies (10) Good night (2579) Bad night (727)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

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  (641): I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. http://tfl.nu/90tm
  Replies (18) Good night (1256) Bad night (1428)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.

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  (904): It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo. http://tfl.nu/jdtj
  Replies (9) Good night (2338) Bad night (568)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."

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  (603): I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses." http://tfl.nu/iu6o
  Replies (2) Good night (1014) Bad night (381)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie

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  (717): Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie http://tfl.nu/cc1l
  Replies (5) Good night (1472) Bad night (426)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall

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  (708): At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall http://tfl.nu/xpwv
  Replies (5) Good night (442) Bad night (927)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight

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  (717): But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight http://tfl.nu/x4t9
  Replies (2) Good night (755) Bad night (310)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story

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  (201): I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story http://tfl.nu/rn8y
  Replies (4) Good night (353) Bad night (658)

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