Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  did you hook up austin?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed

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  (269): did you hook up austin? (248): No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed http://tfl.nu/3mnz
  Replies (5) Good night (960) Bad night (1479)
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  (626): View more from California

  Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.

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  (626): Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting. http://tfl.nu/7nt8
  Replies (30) Good night (803) Bad night (4512)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.

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  (919): Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk. http://tfl.nu/sxlu
  Replies (11) Good night (1195) Bad night (5263)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.

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  (231): P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles. http://tfl.nu/wlbn
  Replies (14) Good night (2827) Bad night (1047)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Someone in a vagina costume on campus.

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  (541): Someone in a vagina costume on campus. http://tfl.nu/klak
  Replies (7) Good night (3012) Bad night (921)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"

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  (402): So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October" http://tfl.nu/8ift
  Replies (8) Good night (4066) Bad night (960)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.

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  (320): I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years. http://tfl.nu/ge1t
  Replies (2) Good night (1046) Bad night (1329)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina

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  (440): It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina http://tfl.nu/iyhy
  Replies (7) Good night (674) Bad night (1356)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man

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  (832): Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man http://tfl.nu/dtih
  Replies (7) Good night (603) Bad night (1184)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.

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  (303): Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor. http://tfl.nu/urne
  Replies (1) Good night (935) Bad night (414)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.

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  (316): You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger. http://tfl.nu/ic08
  Replies (4) Good night (525) Bad night (1151)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things

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  (248): Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things http://tfl.nu/ht36
  Replies (9) Good night (1315) Bad night (719)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad

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  (978): Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad http://tfl.nu/d7yn
  Replies (7) Good night (1583) Bad night (512)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.

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  (806): No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch. http://tfl.nu/nl2h
  Replies (4) Good night (416) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina

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  (303): My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina http://tfl.nu/ldip
  Replies (4) Good night (539) Bad night (217)

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