I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.