I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow