I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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