I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
