I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
