and you said cock pushups were impossible
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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