he wants to bone in the snuggie
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
