did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
