U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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