How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
